There is something to be said for learning from the experience of others– but there is also something to be said for learning from your own experiences- even if those experiences happen to be full of crashing and burning.
Present day, I recognize that my habits- over the majority of my life- were not the best for my health. I honestly don’t think I really ever considered the consequences of my behavior. I have lived my life through a series of impulsive choices- with little to ZERO planning. From drug use and promiscuity to impulsive choices about career options. And then the decision to bike the Tour Divide- a bike race that people spend months- if not years- planning to do. I decided I was doing it in February of 2015 and started biking in May. I also had never biked over 20 miles, had zero navigation experience, and could barely change a tire.
I survived the Tour Divide- somehow. As tumultuous as the experience was, it was exactly what I needed to do at that time to cope with the stressors in my universe- regardless of the downstream consequences.
Which brings me to the point of this post… Sometimes, we make choices to help us cope with our current circumstances, even if they do not have the most favorable consequences in the long run. A few examples… every time I chose to binge- I did so because I felt like that was what I needed to do in order to cope with my current emotional state. Every time I chose to engage in drug use/ promiscuous sex, I did so because I felt like that was what I needed to do in order to cope with my current emotional state. In the process of constantly trying to manipulate my emotional state, I have created some physiologic consequences that are going to take some time to work through. AND THATS okay.
Fucking up is a part of the process. No reason to be ashamed/ embarrassed about it. It just is what it is. And today I am working- fucking hard- to take care of my mental/ emotional/ spiritual health in a way that I have never done before. Let this be a reminder to you that no matter where you are on your journey- that where you are is exactly that- part of the journey. You can change course at any time. xoxo♥️
