As many of you know, I live with my Grandmoms (we call her Mom-mom) who has Parkinson’s. She is 85 years old and has had Parkinson’s for almost 15 years. My Mom, who is her full time caretaker, also lives here. And my sister is here too.
So LIKE THAT’S A LOT OF ESTROGEN IN ONE HOUSE. Lols
I moved here (from Flagstaff, AZ) 2ish years ago when I left Physical Therapy and started my online nutrition coaching business.
It was a really good fit for a while- mentally and financially. I needed some family time after living across the country from everyone for the last 7+ years. And I think it was helpful for my Moms to have me around to help. And of course I know my Mom-mom enjoys having me here.
And while I do pay rent to live here, it’s significantly less than I would pay to rent anywhere else in Key West- so I was able to pay off my private student loans and my car loan and start chipping away at my $90k+ of federal loans. I’ve been budgeting like a crazy person and have gotten my expenses crazy low. I also sold my car to free up some additional cash. Having debt is a special kind of stress. I can not wait to get rid of it.
So I’ve been really wanting to move out- feeling like it was time- but with the financial aspect causing me to drag my feet a bit.
This is where it gets sticky.
I feel ashamed about living here and I feel guilty about wanting to move out.
I mean I’m 31 living with my Grandmoms and my Moms- that doesn’t really sound like it fosters creativity, confidence and independence.
And then I feel guilty about wanting to move out because I’m like HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY ABANDON YOUR FAMILY RIGHT NOW.
So then I have to recognize that somewhere in my brain- moving out has crossed wires with abandoning my family.
Moving out doesn’t mean I’m abandoning them- it means I’m doing what I need to do in order to protect my mental health. I’m writing that mainly for me. Lols.
I think I’ve hesitated to write about this because I want to make sure what I’m sharing is mine to share.
Since I moved in 2+ years ago, I have watched full time caretaking take a BIG toll on my Mom’s health. And while I’ve been pointing the finger and encouraging her to take better care of myself- I’ve been watching my own mental health suffer. My sleep has been terrible, I’ve had headaches more frequently, and I’ve been nauseous on the regular.
Family trauma is real y’all!
So when a friend of mine wanted to come visit for a week in February, I knew I’d have to live somewhere else for basically the entire month because after seeing him for a week, I’d need 2 weeks to quarantine and test negative before I could hop back into the family “bubble.”
While I was super stressed out about this at first, I think it was just the push I needed to actually commit to moving out. At this point, I am scheduled to move back in to the house in March, but as I’ve been playing the tape through, I KNOW that I am not going to want to move back in after being in a different space for a month.
So maybe this was just the push I needed to make the leap.
I only have housing plans for February right now- so we’ll just take it day by day during the month and LIKE WHO KNOWS WHERE I’LL BE IN MARCH! Lols
For now, I’m really looking forward to having a month to live in a different space and I’m optimistic that I’ll get some of my creative energy back!
Love you all!
xo
Tiana
PS. If you didn’t know it already, this coaching business supports both my sister and I- so I think I hesitate to share what I’m actually struggling with because I’m afraid of how it will impact the business. But like at the end of the day I am a human being first. And as a human, these are the things I am struggling with. I hope that this transparency is helpful :))
